Lights, Camera, Wait a Minute

Daydreaming is a healthy pastime. We all do it. It doesn’t mean we are unhappy with our lives; feel dissatisfied with our lot in life. It’s just what we do. When you’re a kid, it’s called being ‘imaginative’. When you are a writer, it can be considered having a ‘creative moment’. At least, that’s what I tell myself when I indulge.

Friday was an exceptionally frustrating day. We had workers in the house from 7:00 AM. Yes, that’s in the morning, for those of you who are as appalled as we were. That’s just way too early. Yes, I was awake. That’s not the point. Having to be up and functioning, dropping off T.Bear at Doggie Day Camp, keeping Bellamy on a leash or in her crate because of her heartworm treatment and trying to work my way through the mountain of computer work I have on my plate to get my new website up and running; all those things are boggling enough. Having strangers in the house, banging and crashing and playing hip-hop on their radio loud enough to drown out “Good Morning America” two rooms away – that’s just wrong.  I don’t care who you are.

When days start out messed up, my mind becomes undisciplined.  Or at least, more so than usual. Focus is just out the window. As I sat on the sofa, holding Bella on a leash about 4 feet away from me, trying to block out the hammering over my head, my brain decided to take a vacation. As close as I could get to a “Calgon Moment”.

I allowed myself to imagine a dream came true. I wrote a book. People loved my book. In fact, they loved my book so much that Hollywood came knocking. Guys in power suits and Gucci shades pulled up to my rancher in New Jersey and rang the bell. They flattened themselves against the wall in the foyer as Bear and Bella gave them a canine pat down. We sat at my kitchen table, mugs of French Roast in front of us, slices of store made raspberry coffee cake on paper plates at the ready. And these ‘biga shots’ made me an offer I couldn’t refuse: Let us make your book into a movie!

Of course, in my dreams, I know exactly what to say and how to say it. I am in command of the situation. (Agent?  I don’t need no stinking agent…) I’m ready for them. It’s my baby, my brainchild, and I know exactly who will make it into an Oscar winning flick.  You see, I’ve given this a lot of thought, ever since I got my first royalty check for a bazillion dollars.

I look into their bored, tinted contact-lensed eyes and say: “Do you think you can get Penny Marshall to direct?  I love Penny Marshall!  She would ‘get’ me and she would do my vision justice, don’t you think?”

A sycophantic nod from both drones encourages me to stick my neck out just a little farther.  I take a deep breath and go for the end run. Leaning into the space on the table, I open my eyes a little wider for emphasis and say “And I want Leah Remini to play the lead. You know – the woman from “King of Queens”? She would be awesome! She can play a real person, and make it believable. You know that scene in the supermarket parking lot? No one would believe that Angelina Jolie would be jealous of anyone with a shopping cart.  You gotta have someone REAL.”

Just as I see them nodding approval, giving the final OK to my golden ticket to immortality, I hear a huge bang over my head.  Bella jumps and barks. The guy in the crawl space starts swearing that he was just stung by a bee. I open my eyes and reality smacks me in the face.

It was a dream. There were no power suits. I didn’t sound like a pompous ass. Reality has its good points.

Sandi Tuttle is the host of the Blog Talk Radio show “An Average Woman in a Superwoman World” (http://www.blogtalkradio.com/sandi-tuttle).